Chattanooga Whiskey Batch Alpha-1: Intergalactic Comet Crusher

Mash Bill: Classified

Proof: 84 (42% Alc/Vol)

Infused with: At least 42 botanicals

Intensity: 6EQUJ5

Observables (per SA797): V, V1

Recipe Coords: 1698/1009

Batch Size: 12 barrels

Tasting notes: Like having your brains smashed in by a bag of lemons dipped in 42 karat gold.

About the product: It’s a dark time at Chattanooga Whiskey. A year ago, Intergalactic Comet Crusher practically saved the world, but nobody even cared. Instead of having a parade, everyone now demanded full-frontal recipe disclosure—no redactions!

To distract from the cover-up, the distillers escaped aboard their UFO, and went back to the future to make another batch of Comet Crusher. But then, redacted forgot the original recipe in their other pants, which cross-contaminated the timeline and nearly destroyed the universe. Don’t panic—everything’s pretty much fine now.

Aaanyways… as an apology for the mess, please accept this time-altered sequel. We hope it smashes your brains even harder than the original.